Two Things

1. Ben is going home tomorrow!!! No more Houston...no more hospital...three cheers!

2. On my way back from lunch today, I saw the most interesting thing. Picture this...Mazda Protege, sun roof, ladder hanging out of said sun roof, driving down Hulen St. It was sweet.

Things I've learned lately...

1. One can in no way accurately predict what will happen in the NCAA Tournament.
2. I love spring time and 75 degree days.
3. Finding an outstanding clothing bargain will make a girl's day.
4. The cowbell is never out of musical style...or at least in church it isn't. Sometimes a song just needs some cowbell.
5. How much fun I have doing nothing specific with wonderful friends who just make me smile (especially when fajitas and Misty and Emily are involved even if Joe T's isn't open).
6. I may be addicted to the Starbucks non-fat chai tea latte.
7. If you can't find any fun to be had, create some.
8. Bowling alleys make you smell weird.
9. When someone comes up and askes for money, it's not up to me to decide what said person will do with the money or whether or not they were even telling the truth. I should help them regardless.
10. Chocolate leprechauns from the Emerald Isle are magically delicious. (Thanks, Emily!)

Hey, Emily...I've got a headache...and the only cure is more cowbell.

I gotta have more cowbell, Misty. I just gotta have more cowbell.

Happy post Easter Monday!

The illness is gone! So...I think I had a stomach virus with my skull splitting headache. But all is well now. What a relief!

And...Ben should be released from the hospital tomorrow! If not, he has to wait until Monday, and we don't want that to happen. Things need to go well today so that doesn't happen. But he's great...aside from injuring a magician's feelings and a slight incident with the Easter Bunny... :)

What is it about a migraine that makes ripping open your skull, removing your brain, and dancing on it sound like it has to feel better than this?

I think I'm going home now.

Realization #356

...or something like that. What an incredible stressful few days...but what lessons were learned. During my countless hours in the surgical waiting room, I observed something. We were visiting with one of the most awesome girls I have ever known about life in general. She told my sister, as she was dealing with a less than encouraging update by one of the surgical nurses, that she married someone she couldn't live without and that's why this hurt so much. She then relayed a story of one of her close friends. She told this girl, "I married someone I could live with. You married someone you couldn't live without. I wish I'd have done that." Hmmm. I got to thinking as the hours slipped slowly off the clock. I want that too. I've had the priviledge of being surrounded by awesome marriages...my parents...my sisters...my friends... I've learned a ton from observing them. This has contributed to my perceived "pickyness". That's really not it at all. I'm just waiting for the man I can't live with out...and if he never comes, then that's okay. I've got the only One I'll ever need. I've seen too many friends settle for guys that were there, and their marriages are less than desirable, void of real meaning, or altogether down the toilet. I don't want anything mediocre. I want something amazing. So...as I sat in that room trying to comfort/support my sister as best I could...I came to terms with something. Not really sure what yet...but I am content to walk on with my Father and wait to be amazed.

By the way...Ben's doing well. He's in a room and should be released from the hospital at the end of this week. God is absolutely good and in the middle of all this. It was incredible to get to watch Him work knowing He was acting on behalf of the prayers of His people. I'm so proud to be His!

Operation Operation

Bad joke I know...but everyone needs a little humor. It has been drama galore in Houston...where my precious sister and brother-in-law are now. Doctors sometimes have no freaking idea about how to deal with people in "crisis". Someone should teach them...or punch them in the face. Anyway, I'll update more later. Just wanted to put up a little something. Please pray for Ben and Ashley as they prepare for Thursday. Later.

.........

My cold is making my head feel heavy. Being sick is only less miserable if you have someone around...like your mom...to bring you stuff and sympathize with you and when you're sick enough to justify staying home from work. That at least makes it tolerable. And I have neither one of those things. So I'm at work wishing I was at home. But I must get well since it is only 5 days until I leave for Houston. Got to be healthy so I can be extra supportive. Anyway, that is all.

Emily...welcome home.

Thoughts from the Spiritually Disabled

I figured since we label people LD (learning disabled) or ED (emotionally disturbed) that we should add a new catagory...SD--Spiritually Disabled...especially since this is the way I feel. Everything I wrote about in the last post has come up now in a completely unexpected way...in a totally different area. Isn't that just like God...to show one area that really needs some work and then make you face the same tendencies in a new light? Another opportunity to grow that I really wasn't wanting to face. And therein lies the spiritual disability. I don't want to deal with it. It's easier pretending it's not even there...unless whatever you're dealing with is coming back around to bit you in the rear.

Yikes. It's been a busy/peculiar last half of the week for me...lots of insight gained. But awareness is not enough to movitiate change. I tell clients that all the time. Now's the time I have to answer some tough questions...like who I'm doing all this for, and is it worth the cost and potential risk to do something different than what comes naturally...so on and so forth. This is never fun, but I know in my head that I'm not doing all this alone and that I have a Father who will help me through. However, the longest distance is the 16 or so inches between the head and the heart. I feel like everything I know is stuck somewhere between my head and my heart. More of that nasty spiritual disability that cripples me. Now if I would just let faith take over, I may actually get somewhere good.

The Trouble with Faith

The trouble with faith is that it more easily applied outside of ourselves. Faith seems to be larger than we imagined when we are believing God will move in those around us. For instance, there is a situation with someone close to you, and you can more easily believe a miracle will occur. If that situation is happening directly to you, you try and take control, and it is more difficult to see where God can work. In simpler terms, we are pessimists about ourselves and optimists when it comes to everyone else.

This is a pattern I see repeatedly occurring in my own life. Because of circumstances I've lived through in my life, I have a lot of doubt and questions and an all-around unwillingness to risk anything because I see the cost as being to great. Yet, as I support my loved ones in their valleys, I totally believe the sovereignty of God...that He will do great things in their lives...but I have trouble applying this belief to me. I don't want to open myself up to anything that could cost me big time. I'm not willing to put myself in a position to experience whatever it is God has for me...in certain areas of my life...because I have yet to find a reason to believe that things might turn out different than they have in the past. But it is only in a few areas. Moving away from my friends, family, and anything familiar was a risk. It was difficult, but I could see the hand of God laying out the framework. He got me ready and moved me on. So why can't I get that to translate into other areas of my life?

I am seeing more now the influence of past circumstances on my present condition...how I have taken great pains to insulate myself, isolate myself, and pretty much hide out. I just don't know how to abandon almost nine years of building my fortress of solitude. How do you lay all that mess down? I know I have too. I've fought this battle too long, and I no longer have the desire to be closed off from anything God may want to do in this area of my life. But I'm also afraid of what may happen once my hands are empty. If I could just trust Him with all of me like I trust Him with those I love.

Lord, help me believe because I don't want to miss anymore miracles.