this only will make sense if you read my pity party in the previous post. sorry about subjecting you to the pity party fest, but sometimes... anyway. here are my new thoughts on the previous subject.

so i've come to the realization that everything i wrote a few hours ago...while it is actually how i have been feeling...is me just throwing myself a pity party. i know why i'm in this place. i need to grow here. i resist growth, but thankfully the Lord pushes me there. i don't really watch the show "30 rock" but i did here a quote on a clip that i think is quite fitting. basically tina fey's character asks the question "what if i can't swim?" as she is trying to figure out how to deal with the cast of their fictional show. so alec baldwin's character says, "then i'll do what my dad did when i was two...lure you to the edge of the pool with a puppy and push you in." so maybe it doesn't happen like that in that i can swim and there is no puppy but still...sometimes i just need to be shoved into growth. it doesn't matter how much i feel a situation stinks. i need to learn 1. how to be content in all things and 2. how to praise God regardless instead of balling up my fist like i often want to do. so my growth task for this week-ish is to continue to say hallelujah no matter what. my worth is not wrapped up in how many people care about me or remember that i even exist. i am who God is making me and that's all i am asked to be...exactly who He is creating me to be. i'm a huge work in progress. i was starting to feel good about my contentment level so i got my face rubbed in it. so what. i will continue to walk...dirty face and all. after all, everyone falls. at least He's there to clean me up, bandage my wounds, and keeping me moving.